Writers Block

I have written post after post tonight and each of them ended up being destroyed by the backspace button. Nothing seemed to sound right when I read it back. I wrote the same thoughts several different ways. Then I realized, the words I was trying to write were not my own. I wish more than anything I was at the place in life where I could write some beautifully written profound entries that would make perfect sense and maybe even evoke some sort of emotion from a reader. I guess I am just not there yet. I don't need to sit here and force paragraphs of mirrored statements. I am always trying to come up with something that perfectly portrays what I am feeling. Random spurts of inspiration, whether it be through a photograph, a sketch, or a simple online journal entry. I guess it comes from my desire to create. After the frustration of not being content with entry after entry I fled to Tumblr to find a picture, poem, any old creation worth bringing back. As I read the pages from as far as 3 years back I couldn't help but smile to myself. I was so disappointed in myself for my 'hardly worth posting' writing tonight but then my old entries were far from exceptional. It was nice to read and reflect on things that brought me to where I am today. It was also satisfying to see how far I have come, writing-wise included. So I guess I will just continue to write what is on my heart regardless of how elegant is may or may not come and hope it improves with another 3 years.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

James 1:17

Reminiscing

I was enjoying my Sunday by editing old photos and cleaning out old files of my hard drive while listening to various sketches from SNL that played from the television across the room. Then I came across this. Instantly all the feelings from that day came flooding back. I remembered how hot it was driving with the top down in my good friend's convertible and the sun glaring down on us. I remember trying to remain focused on the road while having my two craziest friends dance and horse around in the back seat, laughing till tears came making it difficult to drive. I remembered the feeling of walking down the streets of the amazing city by the beach with three of my dearest friends. I also remember how proud I was that we were on this adventure together. This was the first trip I just got up and went. I drove to another state to a tiny bar to see a musician play. Just because. It was truly one of the very best days of my life. I also remember this was one of the last times I spent with these friends all together. Since then we have all moved off to school, some of us to other countries. It breaks my heart but at the same time I close my eyes, play a little "Something in the Water" and I can see their faces. I can see her looking up and smiling while she taps her hand against the railing to the melody. I see him playing air drums along with the insanely talented (and a little intense) percussionist, and his smile while watching Brooke play and dance around. I see my other friend snapping photos and taking breaks in between to smile and sway with the music. I remember I took the time to look at each of them. I don't know if they noticed, but I remember being there front row at one of my favorite performers concerts and not even paying attention to the music. I remember I wanted to glance over and take some sort of mental picture of them. Just to keep in my head because I knew after the short remaining Summer we'd all be on our way. I am so glad I did, because moments like today. I loved that day. I loved the feeling of freedom we all had. I loved singing and laughing and dancing with them, getting lost downtown with them, and getting home at 3 am with them. I feel like that day was the day we all said goodbye, even though the word was never said, and you know...I couldn't have asked for a better goodbye.
"Cheers to the friendships well worn in

That time nor distance alter

Here's to the sleepers we'll see again

Find company in memoria"
-Brooke Fraser